Are You Widow Strong?

In this episode, I talk about the complexity of the phrase "You are so strong" and the varied emotions it can evoke for Widows navigating the grieving process. Initially, it can feel more like a burden than a compliment, especially in the acute stages of grief. 

It's easy to interpret these words as pressure to hide our vulnerability and minimize our pain for the sake of others. However, as time passes, we may come to see this phrase in a more positive light. 

It's not about pretending to be strong; it's about recognizing the courage it takes to face each day without our loved ones. Despite the tears shed and the struggles faced, every step forward is a testament to our strength and resilience. 

So, while we may not always feel strong, we can acknowledge the bravery it takes to keep moving forward on our widow journey. And one day, we may even see ourselves as strong as others perceive us to be.

As always, Widow Your Way ❤️

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:37

Let's talk about one of my favorite hashtags Widow Strong and how we feel about being told how strong we are as widows. Now, I have seen this go two different ways and I can honestly say that I feel differently now about this than I did when my husband had died back in 2018. This than I did when my husband had died back in 2018. How can being told you are so strong be taken as offensive but also be considered as an accomplishment? The difference is the mindset of the person at the time of hearing it, of the person at the time of hearing it and, as a widow. In the acute stages of grief, we are mostly angry and feeling hopeless. So when someone says you are so strong, we tend to get offended by these words and twist them into something negative and shameful. I know because that was also me when my husband, tom, first died. I certainly did not feel strong. As a matter of fact, I felt weak and very embarrassed by that. By that, these words you are so strong also make us feel pressured to be strong, which actually stops us from being vulnerable and it stops us from sharing our true feelings. Why do we let these words you are so strong hold us back? Why do we let these words make us feel ashamed Ashamed to grieve publicly and share our true feelings? We could simply reply thank you, but I really don't feel strong right now. I feel lost and I'm struggling to keep it together. Thank you, but I really don't feel strong right now. I feel lost and I'm struggling to keep it together. But no, we stay quiet and we continue to minimize our pain for the sake of disappointing others.

Speaker 1: 2:57

Now there is a more positive way to look at the phrase. You are so strong. But it doesn't always happen right away. For me, it took years to accept this as positive, and we all know that it's hard for us, as widows, to express how we feel and what we need. So let's just take a moment to understand the perspective of someone else when they say you are so strong. There was a time that you never experienced a loss tragic enough to empathize with someone else. You may have also struggled with the words to pay your respects or condolences. You also know what it's like to worry if you're saying the right thing to someone, even if it's not pertaining to grief pertaining to grief. Even now.

Speaker 1: 4:06

I struggle with talking about grief and death with some people. Even I, freeze and have no words. But ultimately I feel that others are trying their best to convey their condolences. Now we can choose to believe their words are coming from a place of sympathy and compassion, but even more, I think what they're telling us is what they see. They are telling us what it looks like from their perspective. They see us as widows pretending to be strong, but what they don't know is it's all a facade. The words you are so strong can also just be coming from a place of admiration. It can be seen simply as an encouraging statement to keep us going and nothing more.

Speaker 1: 5:13

But here's the thing Grief has a way of transforming us. It's not about becoming stronger, but rather braver. When we navigate loss, we're faced with a journey of courage. We are stepping into the unknown with each passing day. Bravery isn't about being fearless. It's about acknowledging our pain and choosing to move forward despite it. You may not feel it and you may not see it, but you are getting stronger each day. Every day you wake up after losing the love of your life, you are stronger Every time you make it through another day. You are stronger Every time you smile from a memory of your person. You are stronger. Every time you find a moment of joy. You are stronger. Every time you shed a tear for your loss. You are stronger. Every time you share your story, you are stronger. And every day you choose to move forward, you are stronger. And one day, my friend, you will see yourself as strong as I do, because, after all, love is not dead, just my husband.